I wonder if any of it was ever real. I was so busy tearing myself down so that I could be perfect for you. They say love will change you and I thought it would be the good type of change.

Not the type that has me crying myself to sleep every night.Not the type that has me chasing hesitant a  tomorrow and false confidence at the bottom of a bottle. I keep thinking I just need time to heal... but time is a mean ******* who just turns scars into open wounds that would never heal.Time watched me burn to the ground and smiled. He watched as my heart was torn to pieces .....

There is no life in life . There are no  butterflies and rainbows at the end.... So I will retreat back to the darkness that gave birth to me, back to the mother who "loved" me in her own way. I will cling onto it as if it was the last breath I would take. I will go back to my ruins and stop mourning dreams that were never mine to begin with... This time my own  darkness will shine bright...