They are merely figments of my imagination, and yet, they are my greatest fears; the threats, the ultimatums, my dependencies, and potentially finding someone who can steal my heart just as easily as they can abandon me.
I don’t have dreams, I have nightmares.
Perhaps, my mind knows better than to allow me to think about life in an optimistic way.
I suspect being afraid of reality is what saves me every day from killing myself, ironically enough.
I wondered how it is I abstain from acting out all my impulses.
Today, I’m well aware of the underlying reason as to why this is.
I’ve seen the possible outcomes of every one of my beloved fantasies I wish to fulfill; I’m not amused.
I’ve lost everything in my revelations, from my pride to the roof over my head.
Never will I forget the feeling of isolation.
Nor shall I forget how degrading it felt to be naked in front of people I’d rather kill than take abuse from.
Being vulnerable made me feel absolutely pathetic.
I was defeated.
With that said, I won’t allow anyone inside my comfort zone, not after the experiences my imagination forced upon me.
I was shown what I will wither away into if I don’t stand up for myself, and in this society.
I’ll be trampled if I stop moving.
Independence is the key to success and freedom.
Without the two, everything I’ve ever known will perish before my broken eyes regardless of the path I choose to walk.
People can only endure so much and eventually, they have to leave.
I understand these chances are my last.
In addition to being left behind, the ones I lean on hand me more responsibilities that I must learn to manage myself, though the opportunity to master each difficulty was presented a while back.
I was just too arrogant to recognize help was being offered. In this process, deadlines become imminent.
Finally, the excruciating pain I experienced watching someone I perceived as my foundation, my future, everything admirable I lack, turn their back and walk away from me for the very last time was too much to cope with.
It was worse than consuming poison and simultaneously being drowned to death.
There was no opposition coming out of my mouth because dreams nor nightmares fail to allow anything to happen in your favor.
I wouldn’t wish for any enemy of mine to lose the love of their life. It is awful and honestly, they’d be better off dead.
These nightmares inflict both terror and insight in me.
A combination such as this can only do you good.
A healthy, inner restriction and a release when appropriate can take you further than expected.
My dreams are nightmares for a wise reason.
They instill my judgments, shaping my future and preventing me from ruining everything by digging out my curiosity in dangerous actions. Nightmares make true life adorable in comparison to a racing thought formed in a deep slumber.