What is it about mornings
that I just can't stand?
When the dreaded alarm goes off
with such menace and demand
I just want to slide under my quilt
when everyone else is rising up
I only want to wilt!

The postman won't leave me alone
he pounds on my door
at unearthly hours
with parcels galore
It's the same with the phone
it won't stop ringing in my head
Why, oh why, can't they leave me in my bed?

It's just not fair
all I want is some peace
It's not much to ask
but they don't care
Now next door is cutting the grass
then he'll be using the strimmer
He's at it for hours, the noisy ***!

Ding **** the door bell is going again
Oh no, it's the Avon lady
she's such a pain
"It's 9.30 you know, shouldn't you be up?"
I feel like being incredibly rude
and saying something very crude
But I'm really too tired
to bother at all
I'll leave a note hanging on my door
Do NOT disturb
Don't bother to call
I'm not really here
I'm sleeping, that's all!