please, no one talk about how
they frowned, how
they looked processed (like canned meat)
and lowered their voices in pitch
because that's easier than changing yourself.

I'm sure eventually they'll make me
king of something.
until then my nose will keep
growing and I'll have to find a way
to fall into God without a vessel.
spicy food?
actually keeping people's secrets?
just put something in the suggestion box.

it's this feeling -
these uneasy moments when I'm unsure
it's his smile that distracts me from the memory of yours.
why? do I choose?
do I let myself become succeptable?
your love is a wall - or is it hiding?
must I search for it?
I'm done pondering.

I just can't shake this feeling that he has something to teach me about God.