i woke to a ceiling fan
humming above my head
a disjointed cadence obfuscated
by a couple loose screws that caused it to
shake and to shudder and
splutter its song

i couldn't fall back asleep

i went for a walk instead
watched a boy in oversized overalls
cuffed about his ankles
cuss and shake his head in
lament as he kicked a crumpled
aluminum can across sun-baked cement

a scrawny teenage girl smoked a roach
on her front porch step
she wore a scowl as i admired
the cigarette butts scattered across her lawn
she acknowledged me with bloodshot eyes
that seemed as though they'd seen too much

the St. John's River brushed the shoreline
furtive as a lover's butterfly kisses
and whispered sweet nothings
as a garbage barge drifted past
i could smell the rotten filth
rich folks had discarded and i
imagine i regarded that same
vessel with a different expression
than the homeless man who sat
on a park bench nearby feeding
the crusts of his sandwich to a
cluster of pigeons

on my way back the
skinny girl called out to me
she walked down from her balcony and
asked me if i wanted some ***
but the words
no, thank you  
caught in my throat
i couldn't miss the fresh scars on her wrists
or the pain in her eyes masked by
youthful defiance and
i turned from her wordless remembering
ignorance is bliss

i wish i could remember how to forget