i want to kiss her. i want to kiss her so bad. i miss her. but I hurt her, and I'm an idiot.

i flashback to the movies, where we kissed for the first time. we told each other it was an experiment, to see if we liked it or not. but we both new better than that, we both knew we would love it, and we did, and a kiss became a relationship,
became feeling something new,
became wondering what feelings for another girl meant
became wanting to be with her more and more,
became using the words i love you,
became thinking of and texting her all the time,
became how am i supposed to accept myself as someone so
much more different than i’d ever thought i’d be,
became thinking how could i tell my parents,
became sneaking around in our closets refusing to come out,
became shut bedroom doors,
became laying on the floor with no shirts or bras on,
became just skin on skin, hands on chests,
became the closet I’m hiding in becoming squished full with two people,
became whispered giggles and groans between kisses,
became knowing a foreign tongue,
became my closet becoming too full
due to all the extra baggage,
became i can’t do this,
became i’m scared,
became i’m done,
became me hurting you,
became i’m sorry,
became wanting you later that night
to fill the hole in my chest that i created,
became i miss you,
became i still love you,
became you moving on to some guy,
became you not needing a closet anymore,
became just me in a closet that now feels
so much bigger than before
because now that you’re gone my closet and my heart are empty.