here's how it begins:
you're driving along exit ninety five and suddenly
his favorite song comes on the radio and it still knocks
the air out of your lungs it still shocks you and
sends you into a spiral of flashbacks and memories of
him humming and mouthing the lyrics unconsciously and
he's tapping the window to the beat next to you
and you're laughing and telling him to stop because he's
distracting you ******* it he's always distracting you
and the car behinds you honks it's horn and the memory
of his hazel eyes leave you almost as fast as they came
it reminds you of a curve ball and now you're thinking
about baseball which reminds you of him because he loves
baseball and it's awful and you barely make it home in
one piece but you do, not necessarily because you want to
but because you needed to see him one last time,
you needed to read all the letters he wrote you because you
needed a reason to keep living you need a reminder
of why you can't give up but instead he texts you a lyric
from her favorite song and you introduced him to
that band before but he never really liked it until she did
and your hands are shaking, your eyes are blurry and
that's it you don't need anything else, no letter or song or
picture will ever fix anything because there's no hope he
is not yours anymore and he never will be so you
climb into bed and cover yourself in blankets even though
it's fifty degrees because your heart is freezing and
that is all that really matters

(h.l.)