how i loved you
it will be like this
putting your heart into a box
hoping it transform with its force--like a real jewel box
the shy sweetness of your eyes---i have longed to forgo these glimpses
i craved you out of my miseries
i looked for you
in my hallucinations
i have desired you
even when i felt nothing else
in life after life
in moments to moments
yet nothing leads me to you
your ways are distracted
your mind is too dreadful
in my most innocent forms
and shapes
i have loved you
like a real spell
it's an old pain --like of an old age
being together or apart
you held me in most bewildered shapes
in your most captivating ideas
i had longed for your soul to wrap around mines
i had longed for your eyes to give its insight to mine
i had longed for your mind to speak through mine
in a most timeless manner
i executed everything
and have felt the most distressful pain in my swelled up heart
my body aches --my heart trembles
my sulking eyes do not shed any more tears
they are afraid of the loss that it feels
you emerge in me like a son to her mother
like a rainbow in rain -- i had loved you in my most worst times
in ways i cannot describe
all my words fall short
while reflecting how truly i feel
my mind goes numb
my soul rejects everything
and i stare on you
looking at your bewildered ways
of deceiving, of your ideas and of your norms
your tribes and your so-called values
they fail to reflect you of a character
of which, i hold the best

if i tell you of the ways
you will not be yourself anymore
you will fall trapped by the darkness that you left on me
at the heart of another, by eyes of another
you will lose the way out -- you will find no where
even if it gives everything; you still fall behind
you became an image
that my mind adored---my heart craved
both past and future
present and lost ---my heart has made love songs out of separations that it felt
the memories merging into one another, the love madness cherishing it like a mother
you are no more than bewitching idea
yet i can't keep myself away, from your thoughts
from your memories, from your heart
as if it knew nothing else--other than yours
in so many forms
i became formless
creating a charm of another mind--the daughters and sons of love
but if i tell you
clad in the dark spot of heart-- it no longer desire knowing you anymore
and i will let my heart spill out
in ways and ways-- of speaking its force
to be safe till it desires least of you in every bit of time!