Jul 2015
I never really remember when certain things happen.
They sort of just seem to be as if they were always there, and fade into the background of my life, but this was different. This time I remembered everything.
I remember the way I kept staring at him while he kissed another girl,
The light from the fire beaming on his face and burning me up inside.
But he was chasing another dream in a green knitted sweater,
So I kissed his cheek goodbye at 2:38 am and drove home while the lack of satisfaction sat in the pit of my stomach.
The feeling didn't last though.
He asked me to dinner the next night after a few bad jokes and exchanges of numbers; I've never seen someone fall so fast from across the table for someone they barely knew, but it happened right in front of me.
Afterwards, I laid in his bed and kissed his mouth with a tenderness that had been unknown to me, leaving most of my sadness in my purse and a bit of my soul on the pillowcases, singing to him.
I kept thinking and dreaming,
But ****, I just fell right in.
And everyone could tell.
I was losing my mind in a storm of emotions,
They'd say, "who'd you lose it to?"
And I'd be anxious and unwilling to admit to anything deeper than friends.
But I ******* felt it. I couldn't deny that it was a knife stabbing through my porcelain flesh, ripping me open again,
Yeah, I ******* felt it.
And my favorite thing to remember: so much so that it nearly consumes my head these days.
Sunday night role playing that started off as a joke, like role playing often does, but quickly escalated.
I laughed while I pressed my tongue to the inside of his cheek, and smiled when I licked his face; But for some reason, he looked at me like a person can only ever dream to be looked at. It's hard to put into words, but he looked at me the way people look at the ocean waves as they roll in to shore.
And that's when I knew.
And I couldn't forget about it.
They sort of just seem to be as if they were always there, and fade into the background of my life, but this was different. This time I remembered everything.
I remember the way I kept staring at him while he kissed another girl,
The light from the fire beaming on his face and burning me up inside.
But he was chasing another dream in a green knitted sweater,
So I kissed his cheek goodbye at 2:38 am and drove home while the lack of satisfaction sat in the pit of my stomach.
The feeling didn't last though.
He asked me to dinner the next night after a few bad jokes and exchanges of numbers; I've never seen someone fall so fast from across the table for someone they barely knew, but it happened right in front of me.
Afterwards, I laid in his bed and kissed his mouth with a tenderness that had been unknown to me, leaving most of my sadness in my purse and a bit of my soul on the pillowcases, singing to him.
I kept thinking and dreaming,
But ****, I just fell right in.
And everyone could tell.
I was losing my mind in a storm of emotions,
They'd say, "who'd you lose it to?"
And I'd be anxious and unwilling to admit to anything deeper than friends.
But I ******* felt it. I couldn't deny that it was a knife stabbing through my porcelain flesh, ripping me open again,
Yeah, I ******* felt it.
And my favorite thing to remember: so much so that it nearly consumes my head these days.
Sunday night role playing that started off as a joke, like role playing often does, but quickly escalated.
I laughed while I pressed my tongue to the inside of his cheek, and smiled when I licked his face; But for some reason, he looked at me like a person can only ever dream to be looked at. It's hard to put into words, but he looked at me the way people look at the ocean waves as they roll in to shore.
And that's when I knew.
And I couldn't forget about it.
