Hahaha hi it's almost two am here and I know I should probably clean this paint mess I did and go to sleep but I don't want to. I feel like I'm drunk, like my heart is palpitating and my head is spinning and I'm struggling to type these words because my hands and my feet and face are numb right now and I don't know why because I haven't drank alcohol in months.

I just finished watching the meteor shower and I didn't bother making a wish because deep inside I know what I'd wish for and I think the asteroids knew it too- how wouldn't they, I talk about you every night.

Then I decided to finish this painting I started because I thought "hey, maybe this time I'll stick with something." And I did finish it and even though it's a girl, it has your eyes and your favorite colors and now I want to rip it and throw it away. Hahaha

This *****. You ****. I ****. This feeling *****. Wanting you to be here *****. Wanting to be there *****. It does. It does. It does.

I'm going to sleep now, maybe, I don't know. I'm afraid you're there and I'm afraid of the things I might say and I'm afraid of breaking down again.