I want to celebrate my life
I want long hugs and painful laughs
Late night drives and midnight mass
I want my family to be fixed and my friends close to me
Because drinking and cutting are not the things I want for me
I want to live again
I want my dreams to be free and unhinged
I want my mind clear with vast horizons so I know things will be okay again
I want people to be proud of me
I want trust and appreciation
Because I won't go anywhere unless you are there
Why is this so hard again
Being surrounded by good people doesn't always mean that you will be good too
I want to prove to you that I can do this because proving it to myself doesn't give me satisfaction
I want real life again
Not the numbness from alcohol that only kept my spirits up for brief moments until reality came knocking me to the ground
I want pain that is worth fighting through
I want to know that I will come out on top so I know to keep pushing
I want Jackie Harrington
In all her forms and states of mind
With all her flaws and ideas of life and how to cope
I want her with all the emotions and turmoil that comes with her ongoing struggles
Everything that makes her human
I want to accept all of it
Because dealing with issues and coping with them are two different things
And I want to cope with myself rather than accept my fate
Because someone special once told me that I was the strongest person she knew
And for the first time I don't want to prove her wrong