I cannot believe my life has turned out this way.

Where did it all go wrong...

Everyday is a battle with my mind.
Somedays I wanna jump,
end it all,
taking every aspect of my existence,
and discarding it.
Tossing it far away so none innocent,
will accidentally stumble upon the haunted remnants,
of my once isolated life.

She and I are over now.
And still to this day,
I am unsure how to go about this.
she was the last I could trust..
My final glimpse of hope.
The tunnel is dark now,
and i'm all alone again.
Your candle essence lit the path for me,
my thoughts,
oh how they dissuaded.
You gave me a sort of clarity,
filling Her position in my mind,
hogging the volume my first love,
had so rightfully earned.
Reminiscing,
it was better than the last,
my first.
I had assumed my heart grew too cold,
what with this abandonment from humanity,
possibly no one being there for me.
I'm already thinking about you,
I want to call you and apologize,
and comment your seduction,
and tell you every little detail you want to hear.
My love,
atleast I thought.
I already miss our conversations.
You were really the only one who wanted to listen.
You were my only dream.
You sob over the possibility of my recollection,
but this is not reality.
In fact,
you are as deceived as I.