I broke up with McDonalds On Valentine's day People said she was no good for me I had to get away
So I told her, It's not you, It's just a phase I'm going through But as we all know - Dumping fast food is not a pleasant thing to do.
So I broke up with McDonalds, didn't see her for a while Was doing pretty well - there was the occasional drunk-dial When I walked up to the window And I slipped into the queue - But then I came back to my senses And realised the thing to do...
Was to keep on walking Keep on walking Right past her Ignore the temptation To suckle On those golden arches Ignore those bed-like burgers And those oh-so-easy fries Divide our shared world up And sever all ties!
Yes! I broke up with McDonalds and my life is better for it When my girlfriend serves up rabbit food I simply adore it I was scared of life alone with no kebab to walk me home But... What I once spent on burgers... I now spend on... Haribo!
Oh Haribo! Haribo! You are a fruit tree in a sack And although it feels wrong to see you Behind my girlfriend's back She can not be hurt by wrongs she does not know! No - the new love of my life is Haribo, oh Haribo!
But then one evening after work My girfriend came home early. Caught me curled up on the couch Soaking up her girly DVDs In front of me A bowl of Not nuts, nor seeds... But fizzy, yes fizzy, Cola bottles That were FIZZY!
How could you do this? My girlfriend screamed at me. Cannot you see the damage that they do-eth to your teeth? (She'd been reading Shakespeare) No, my eyes are on my face, I can't see in my mouth. Right, she said, If you think I'm joking then I'm going to kick you out.
So she kicked me out the flat and that was that she said. Not quite... I grabbed my stash of Haribo from underneath the bed. I told her all the things about her that I really hated
And the moral is:
Relationships with things that you can't eat are over-rated.