God knows I've tried not to notice,
As the ninth comes around.
It has been five months of,
Alcohol and ****** to fill your absence.

I still remember what it feels like,
To have you hug me and say that everything is okay.
And I can still hear your voice at night.

You have no idea how much I have spent,
To try to erase the pain I feel inside.
You fell asleep one last time,
And a part of me went when you died.

I won't shed another tear,
No, I won't cry again.
I swear I won't cry,
Except maybe one last time.

I shake as I clench my cigarette,
Burning between *******.
I shake as tears cascade around me,
The taste of liquor my only friend.

I shake as I aim for the shot,
Hoping the ****** will stop my heart this time.
I see blood mix and push the plunger down,
This high is my only friend.

It has been five months without you dad,
But I feel as if has only been a day.
I still feel you cold skin beneath my fingers,
And wish death could have stayed away.