i feel alone. truly alone, even though i know i'm not, i mean before i used to be enough for myself but these days i'm isolated from myself. numb, disjointed , just not all here. i can party as much as i want, intoxicate myself until my eyes don't open ever again, i can submerge myself into massive crowds of people just to feel like i'm around SOMEBODY, i can ******* appreciate nature and walk for hours on end, **** it let me find a new hobby
all this **** is repetitive
trying to entertain ourselves just to feel content, it;s kinda like we're reliant on life. **** it man at times i don't give a ****, **** life i don't wanna live it
. i'm not talking about suicide here because i don't believe in that ****, i don't believe death is an escape no matter how much it calls your name , anyways, i'm talking about life ******* itself
i don't care much for these activities
that we created just so we don't go ******* crazy
but then again i want to be a slave to this so called life
go be a model
go make some clothes
maybe fight a couple cases in court
appreciate friends
love my family

how do you survive when two extremes exist within you
do you shoot someone one day then become a priest
do you stop talking then launch into a ******* lecture
when you want to stop but you want to run
what do you do?
i could do both
but then time would come and **** me over
**** it i'll keep all this in a special place within my mind
and use it drive what I've selected to waste my time doing in this world
i'll bend everything to my ******* will
just watch