Despite my spite, I will forgive
You tonight
I won't wear my pain like armor
Cuz it won't help me fight

Forget wrong or right
Instead let's talk class
But this is no time for laughs
this is u bein left in the past
---------

Your not worth all the pain
Your not worth all the tears
It's funny how heartbroken I
Was throughout the years

Comparing u with my peers
That in my head never could
Measure up the way u would, cuz
On a pedi stool u stood

And I always helped put
You there, blind from seeing
That you were an empty vessel far
from special but looks are deceiving

Intriguing, til it was demeaning  
Feeling not good enough
So all I keep thinking of was ways
To make you think that I was

When you couldn't.cuz I wouldn't
So how could u ever
the reason love hurts is cuz it makes
u forget nothings forever

Like it's emotionally clever
And controls u with levers
Til the day you pay as u endeavor
Your once whole  heart severed

Feeling withdrawn from pleasure
From the love that was lost
Til your consumed by bitter sweet memories that wither and rot

the "I love yous"are now I love u nots
As your Stomachs in knots
The same way it was the day u met same feeling, but twisted plot

How sick is that? leaves u distraught
Petulant and angry
Hiding in my apartment crying
Ashamed I don't react manly

Cuz I'm weak and now im sadly
Feeling lonely from solitude
Trying hard to keep the little dignity
I have left by not callin you

And Begging you to come Back
Or asking how can I make u stay
Ill do anything and everything
I need u here, now,..... today

But it just ....pushes her away
And makes me look so pathetic
Leaving me a bill to pay back the
Self respect I'm now indebted

But that was past tense when I let it
Overwhelm me, not seeing
That she was very distant from the
all mighty superior being

I kept seeing u as but being
Alone forced to go on your own
Makes u realize how to be a guy
That can now be properly shown

How neglected he was when prone
To catering to someone he thought
Was deserving but after serving her
With Respect,that I never got

I Felt so meaningless but stopped
Seeing myself as undeserving
Deprived of the love i needed most
from myself to help the hurting

Cu losing the one I've been serving
constantly giving love away
Not realizing a true lover would give
Something back to trade

Instead of rewarding me like dogs so I got laid as a treat from my master
I felt like pavlovs dog,a lucky ******* Looking back it was such a disaster

So if I was a good boy I'd get an
Ear scratch, or a bone to hunt
I guess to be honest the equivalent more suited would be a leg to ****

Cuz she made me Forrest Gump
In love with a jenny
Too stupid to be offended by the many times she left for any

Man who treated her the opposite
Of the way that I did
Like she wanted to be put Down
Instead of wearin crowns cuz she is

Royalty to me But in time long after she left me for dead
My brain was confused, knowin the aim was happiness but Instead

She's gone so more self aware and  Self repair to bring myself where
I was needed, and now I feel cheated By my own neglect,impaired

So I forgive u cause if incase u care
You'd know that when u left
I didn't see it but I really needed u
Gone to see it was so incorrect

living to please who I respect
And not respecting myself
No wonder I felt beneath her and
Couldn't face the fear I felt

Cuz she left, leaving me blessed so
Yes if u see this u are forgiven
Thank you for constantly teaching
Me the hard lesson I was given

Bringin confidence I had prisoned
And all the sight I lacked from vision
To see how bad I need to be the first
one I love if I ever expect to be given

Another's love which is hidden
In self love that helps reflect
Once nurtured causing it to bounce off What comes off the opposite ***

So after this you'll finally be left
In my past as I have to move on
But I'll never forget all you left for me
as the lesson I keep to stay strong

And as a reminder, that the keeper
Of love is the loves designer
&should; be possessed to address the next love I get if I can find her

And when I do I'll think of you
and Know you gave me the best
Present by not being present cuz subtracting ur presence as u left

Is the reason I am blessed
And I read the email u swiftly
Sent a few days ago to hit me
By saying how much u miss me

And It was sweet but I simply
Can't be weak and entertain
The company of what had come to be the suffering but comforting pain

Cause I see you like I see the casino
Dat left me broke by takin my money
So The teacher of hard lessons Now takes on the form of how ****** ugly

The lesson can be if it's not learned
that's why knowledge is earned
So in my past with tears shed over u
Is where u will now return

Like my memories are her urn
That keeps her bottled to turn
Over in your grave for making me a
Slave to abuse but the burns

Sat bluntly"don't be a dummy
Or she will hurt u again"
Cu if I play with fire like my desire
From the attraction acquired then

I'll never allow it to retire unlike the
love I had and It was strongly felt
But I'll resist u¬ kiss u or Ill miss
u but if I fall again I cant be helped

With my issues needing tissues after I get My hopes up for nothing
So this is goodbye,cuz I must deny
the high I get when just one thing

Leads to another2leave me smothered, high by your scent
But I cant help remember how lonely I was, when u left, I jus say and wept

So it's time to accept the debt
We will now pay in our own way
By seeing what u had&did;;'t want but u want now... as it walks away

After forgiving all the bad moods
The abuse and all the cheating
And I'm not sure what my future path
Has but I know my past is keeping

You and I wish u well keep dreaming
And never ever go believing
U can be loved and not love or ull be in anothers past as he's leaving

You behind like I did in time,thanks for the lesson ....now here's mine
Open eyes, don't help love come out
It needs to be felt, til then ur blind

By a love ull never find
if u keep taking but never give
Cuz true love is like a 69 it can find
A way to receive as it gives