I know you're not really in love with me,
Or rather,
I know if you were ever in love with me you aren't now.
I'd bet my last breath you don't talk about me
the way that I go on about you
when I'm not with you
I keep asking myself
What you see in me
Because all I do is try to find a way to hold onto my happiness.
I already know what's coming
A "I need to be alone" spell.
And after tonight
After tonight I don't know what I want
Rachel, I want you to be happy
But I want to be happy too.
I say that I don't need a title to love you.
I mean that.
But I really hate how your love feels like half love.
I hate knowing that literally at any second without warning you could demote me from "lover" to "best friend"
I hate it.
I hate feeling like I have to constantly do something to keep your attention.
When I'm sitting there, in your bed, kissing you,
I'm having panic attacks
trying to figure out
how to kiss you better than last time.
That goes for everything we do.
You'll read this
and your simple solution
to hurting me will be to run away.
I just want you to say "I'm sorry."
I just want you to act like you do when we're alone.
I don't need a title,
What I need is for you to back the words "I love you" because I'm insecure and you pretend like you don't care.
So how can I believe that you love me when you ask me to tell your friends
you're single.
I hate myself for not being as strong as you seem to think I am.
I hope that when you read this
You just start treating me like you love me.
Because you're hurting me.
Not even as your lover
You're hurting me as your friend.