it’s almost impossible to live in the moment
i’ve only ever lived for the future.
the future is drilled into children’s brains as soon as they can think;
every school year preparing for the next, every skill built onto the last.
as a child i had many dreams for my future.
i always imagined being a teenager to be so much more fun,
i always imagined that boys would kiss me goodnight on my porch and nothing more
i never expected things to become as complicated as they are
there was so much i didn’t know.

some things never change,
and sometimes i still stare out windows into the dark,
imagining a future.
i have created a life within my mind much richer, more fulfilling than the one i live

reality seems so dull to me, because somewhere in my mind i am with you
sitting in a car at night, kissing your rough knuckles
i can feel your hands on my jaw and i can feel the summer air blowing blindly through the open windows; crickets in the distance, you, right in front of me.


and then i come back to my real life,
and i know this isn’t my future.
it never will be.