to keep myself focused on the “real world”

I count the minutes to keep the tears from falling

I count the seconds to keep the knife away

I look up at the stars and I wish I was religious.

I wish I had some sort of idea about what happened when you left me. I wish I could say that you’re around or up in heaven. I wish I could say that I feel you or see you in my dreams.

I wish I could but I can’t.

I don’t have the luxury of seeing you in my dreams or hearing your voice. I don’t have the luxury of religion to stop the inevitable eternal darkness wash over me like a wave.

There is no existence I’ve encountered after death to make be believe that you’re here. I don’t have room for foolish faith - Always keep your expectations at their lowest and you will never be disappointed with what’s to come.