Jun 2015
Sometimes I try and remember what it felt like when you left those years ago,
I try to remember the words you said to me before we went our separate ways,
And I try to remember if I slept that night or not,
And I try to remember if my mother noticed the redness and blotching of my skin when I tried to hide what was going on,
I try and remember how long I spent in the shower with my knees tucked to my chest not even caring when the water got cold,
And I try and remember if I could even eat the week after you left that night,
I even try and remember the exact date you left because; I have the date we met etched into my bones,
And I try to remember if I even cried that night or if I was too choked up to even move because you had a way of making my chest concave,
But truth is,
I can only truly remember the pain- staking memories,
Because it seems to me that the little hurts fade faster than the ones that created the scars left on my body,
The scars from every bad fight we've ever had,
And I admit seeing couples kiss still makes me uncomfortable to this day because I can still envision them being us in the back of my mind,
And I try and blame you for ruining some of my favorite songs,
But truth is,
They probably wouldn't have been my favorites if it weren't for you,
And I admit that even the rain reminds me of you because I can remember the way you smiled when I used to go out dancing in it,
I even remember you in the ways I try and forget you,
And remember you in the ways I still write poems about you,
And I painfully remember you when my friends ask whatever happened to you and I really don't have a straight answer,
Because those are the things that impact me the most,
Those are the things I still find myself tearing up over,
But I guess time heals the pain and fades the memories; slowly one by one,
And only the scent of you now lingers on my T-shirts,
And the chest-clenching pain you had inflicted has faded to these words,
And I guess it's no laughing matter but I do find it funny how time and memory work together to try and erase the things that damage the human body,
And I guess that proves how vital survival is to us,
Even when the clock reads 4:36 AM and we lie there wishing to die.
I try to remember the words you said to me before we went our separate ways,
And I try to remember if I slept that night or not,
And I try to remember if my mother noticed the redness and blotching of my skin when I tried to hide what was going on,
I try and remember how long I spent in the shower with my knees tucked to my chest not even caring when the water got cold,
And I try and remember if I could even eat the week after you left that night,
I even try and remember the exact date you left because; I have the date we met etched into my bones,
And I try to remember if I even cried that night or if I was too choked up to even move because you had a way of making my chest concave,
But truth is,
I can only truly remember the pain- staking memories,
Because it seems to me that the little hurts fade faster than the ones that created the scars left on my body,
The scars from every bad fight we've ever had,
And I admit seeing couples kiss still makes me uncomfortable to this day because I can still envision them being us in the back of my mind,
And I try and blame you for ruining some of my favorite songs,
But truth is,
They probably wouldn't have been my favorites if it weren't for you,
And I admit that even the rain reminds me of you because I can remember the way you smiled when I used to go out dancing in it,
I even remember you in the ways I try and forget you,
And remember you in the ways I still write poems about you,
And I painfully remember you when my friends ask whatever happened to you and I really don't have a straight answer,
Because those are the things that impact me the most,
Those are the things I still find myself tearing up over,
But I guess time heals the pain and fades the memories; slowly one by one,
And only the scent of you now lingers on my T-shirts,
And the chest-clenching pain you had inflicted has faded to these words,
And I guess it's no laughing matter but I do find it funny how time and memory work together to try and erase the things that damage the human body,
And I guess that proves how vital survival is to us,
Even when the clock reads 4:36 AM and we lie there wishing to die.
