It's funny, how such simple things can be the joys we need
Not always throwing ourselves open first into situations and hoping we'll land content, although it can be fun and necessary to do
Risk being unhealthy, but gestation and fear being more destructive
There's a middle ground for the day to day though, I find little joys from the process and the tiny prizes that I give myself
A zen fifteen minutes here, an empowered hour of engaging with my story there, before burning away however much else plugging into someone else's story, someone with a much bigger budget than me

Amongst the purposeful process is a gradually more certain ****** dormancy looking ******* at me in the mirror, and yet smiling when I take his shirt off
Vanity is a sin, but after years of being a teenage *******, this little sin is okay
A little smirk to remind me why the girls give me a stare when I hit the streets, or sit at the bar

I can't help but obsess over the need to offer that fantasy girl a drink
A nice slice of normality staring me down from across the bar, reminding me the ease with which all the social stuff I stressed over can be validated with a smile

I go into a month of bohemian benders and meeting old friends, an age where I'm far too old to feel so young and alive the cynics would tell me
Yet I also look at the boy in black who was so lost in youth, and take pride in the man I'm making him into
Forging my goal with pen and keyboard taps, whilst going through adulthood's motions in a lucky dip of a workplace
Cerebral self consciousness aside though, I think I'm in danger of being happy for once

I'm enjoying the scales of process and prizes
The routine of putting my body through it's paces and then giving it an exercise that feels like it's not there at all
And the development of something I'm really starting to feel good about
In a post studying space where I'm suppose to fear for who I am becoming in the eyes of the taxpayer,
I'm kinda fine carving my own sculpture without worrying who'll see it

I just need to stay away from shy, from doubt
Because if I put myself in the right position, and take the simple step with all that abstract weight
I might find someone to share this forward momentum with

It may be the oxygenated blood talking
Or the recently relaxed mental state
Or maybe the calculating chunk looking over things ahead
Whatever it is, I can't complain.
I'm feeling ******* great today.