Dear Kai
I remember the goodbye letter you wrote me the first time you were placed in the hospital
Here is my response
I'm sorry that I could not see how amazing you were
It's hard to see the beautiful things when you are constantly covered by darkness
I know you were fully committed to me but constant doesn't seem to be in my vocabulary
And consistency gives me anxiety
The fact that you couldn't see your true potential bothers me
Anyone who can love me must be pretty special
I want you to know that I haven't forgiven myself
The fact that I left you dangling doesn't make me sound all that great
And when I needed you you were there within minutes
For some reason I couldn't do the same for you
I don't really know if I can let this go
1 year without you and I have nothing to show
And if I had only known
I would have stayed
I would have stayed
You just needed someone to stay
Someone who cared
Your parents blamed me but they were never really there
They blamed me so they wouldn't feel guilt
They tore down everything you built
They took you away from me and my love
I wanted a program from your funeral
They said I was out of luck
I just wanted to say goodbye one last time
The last thing I said should have been I love you
Instead I told you not to talk to me
I always think that will solve everything
Why do I hurt the ones who care about me
Kai you deserved better
Even though you thought I was perfect
I always knew I wasn't worth it
And I can't explain how sorry I am
If I had tears left I would be crying right now
I just wish you were here so we could talk
I should have stayed instead of walked