Effulgent.
That was my word of the day today.
i-FUHL-juhnt.
Of all the words in the English language,
this
This is my favorite.
It means: "Shining brightly, radiant."
It shares the same meaning as the name I was born with.
On any other day, I'd love this word without second thought.
But today
Today it makes me sad.
Not because it's nothing new
and not because it's something old
but because today,
of all days,
I don't feel it.
I ask myself
"When was the last time you allowed yourself to shine brightly?;
When was the last time you were radiant?"
Now, we're not talking about lighting up a room,
oh no.
We're talking blinding,
light-up-the-night-sky
and
outshine-the-sun
brilliant.
My light,
whether I like it or not,
has dimmed
considerably.
It no longer bursts from every part of me,
be it my lips when I speak
my eyes when I see
my ears when I hear
or even
my hands
so tiny and soft
that when they reach out to touch another soul so profoundly
that we both are changed forever.
Now, they reach for nothing
they feel nothing---
except the dark
that has caused me to fade
into a somber glow,
throbbing with only a hint of life left in it.
So where did my light go?
Where did it run off to now
for the millionth time
in my nearly 23 years of life?
What little unlit corner did it tuck itself away into
far from the prying eyes of the world and the people in it?
I wish I knew.
For if I knew,
I'd run
run towards it at the speed of sound
trying desperately to catch up---
only to find that it is just
just
out of my reach.
But that's the way the story goes, right?
In life, there are no happy endings;
instead we're always chasing dreams
and
wishing on stars,
hoping to one day find that singular moment where we
WE
are effulgent.