This is getting old
Loving you past your act of moving forward
It is like each step you take is one I tread backwards
I wish it was easier now that I know you don't want this
Now that I know you have found something better
But for some reason it feels nothing less like my collarbones cracking in mimicking the chandeliers falling to the ground of an abandoned palace that used to be so beautiful but now left with an unlocked door and someone who has the keys but doesn't even know it
I swear it's your voice I hear and your fingers I feel tracing the rise and fall of my ribs in the early hours of the morning
When no is awake, I always am and I wonder if you are too
Part of me still remembers how you made me smile, how despite the circumstance you would aways trigger something in me, flipping a light switch, I swear I could see things clearer when I was with you
Part of me still questions the possibility of seeing you again
Maybe just once, a coffee for old time's sake
But you wouldn't for the fear she would get angry because it lasted more than 20 minutes
For fear it would actually have meant something
And after a while I get tired of thinking of you every time another boy smiles at me
It is a never-ending cycle of you running in my veins
I am afraid to give blood because I know they will find traces of your laughter, they might call this a disease
I have tried to love other people but they don't deserve half of me
I have ripped all the synonyms out of the thesaurus for lonely
And still there will never be anything to describe this feeling because humans have not yet crafted a word for it
I don’t think they ever could
You are a bittersweet memory at best
And I am going to move forward
Because I've learned that there is no use in holding onto something that just isn't holding you back