I learned it as a child,
the ability to hide myself,
deep down in the recesses,
away from the light,
away from who I really am,
because that's not what the world wanted to see.
I began to believe in who I pretended to be,
the false accomplishments, the lies I told on my outer face,
ignoring the depths of me,
where the kernel of my being languished.

I lived that way for so long,
finding a spark every so often that pulled,
pushed, prodded, cajoled, enticed -
anything to get that secret self out into the light.
Each time, a little progress, before it would slide back,
assuming a new identity to put on to face the world.
Comfortable again,
safe, hidden, able to observe in secret,
and never having to face the uncomfortable truth -
I am much more than what I seem,
much deeper than I tell,
and more beautiful than I appear.

They teach you how to hide as a child.
No one teaches you how to seek.