I watched how he walks from a young girls eyes.
The steps he takes to go from room to room down the hall
So determined, strong and straight forward.
I avoid, annoyed and walking through my own rooms and halls.
One day as his pace slowed to a stop, my body stiffening
holding my school books tighter and tighter.
He jokingly leaned his arm on the wall above my head and spoke words still to this day I do not remember.
But his voice so calm, caring and remembering his eyes shook me.

Many years have come and gone.
There was pain, happiness and what I thought was to be my life not knowing, understanding life missed.
Blocking out the bad you block out the good.
My body stiffened with fear and dismay of what I thought I should be or do.
Moving place to place thinking it will be better.
Not having, making roots, avoiding hurt.

As I sat by my computer with chills from fever.
this dismay of steps I had to learn to make to change my life, my future.
Searching for, learning as I chat with friends from long ago, who remembered my strength, faith and love.
As I start to remember me and what is in me.
I look at old pictures of mine and friends shared.
Only to see those eyes that shook me.

His words are still calm and caring, His heart as big and kind. His strength, anger, dismay understood.  But so many years have come and gone.
I don't not know how to explain. His arms so strong around me, His lips kiss so soft and wanting.
Misunderstood stiffening of my body from his touch.
Only to realize it was stiffening of want, not to avoid and run.
But to stay.......


CMH