My life is a mess
I don’t know who I am anymore
How can I be gay if I don’t understand
My own gender role?
How can I be good
If people only see the bad?
How can I be here
If I don’t know where ‘here’ is?
How can I go on living
If I don’t understand life?
How can I have friends
When I am afraid to trust?
How can I get help
If there’s no one around?
How can I exist
If my existence is worthless?
How can I touch lives
When people don’t want me there?
How can I open up
If the doors of my heart are locked?
How can God, or anyone love me
When I don’t love myself?
Do I even know how to feel?
Can I feel other than pain?
The loneliness and questioning
Eats away at my very soul
Until there’s nothing left of me
But the hollow shell of a sad girl
Who only wanted to help others
And feel the respect and companionship
That she was so willing to give everyone else.
But by then, she’s just a useless doll
Without a soul
Without the ability to feel.
The only feeling that flows through my veins
Is melancholy emptiness.