They tortured me at the university.
They poured gallons of whiskey down my throat,
made me study boring subjects long into the night,
surrounded me with beautiful doll babies,
and lectured me until I was blue in the face.
The only trace that I ever existed there
are some records on microfiche
& a few faded pictures on fraternty composites
packed away,
taped shut,
in an attic box.
I still wonder if waterboarding
would have made me a genius
because the other methods
certainly didn't work.