Every time I'm near you all I can be is awkward

I desperately want to come off as affable and cool
But one look from you and I'm stuttering
Tripping over myself and falling down

You laugh and look away
I wonder if you see me at all
Your eyes are always averted
Though mine are usually on the floor

I want to grab your hair

I think about you deep into the night
Long after I should sleep
You create a cycle of insomnia
That I always regret tomorrow

When I speak to you I lose my nerve at the last second
and stumble away in tongue-tied disarray

You enter,
I panic,
the words get caught and I tell a stupid joke
Making fun of you always seems safe
I can be so harsh
I never meant to hurt you
Though you laugh it all away

In those moments I think
Maybe
You actually get me

I grab at you only when I'm smashed
Apologizing profusely
While you calmly say, "it's okay"

I'm just waiting for the day
You tell me you know
And you feel the same