It was a sham.
I guess I'm dumb.
I joined a cult.
I really did.
I thought I was smart.
I joined a cult
And stayed seventeen years.
And had children.
And gave my kids and my own youth to a cult.
I can finally swallow it.
The fact!
They didn't love me.
They used me up.
Me, like a masochistic **** actress.
Eager to be used, hungry to be ruined.

I'm lucky I'm ok.
It's not because I'm smart.
Or really changed
I wish to give myself
So thoroughly.
I wish a cult would love me for my absolute abandon
Of self.