i thought i was reflecting on the past
when what i was actually doing
actually am doing
is dwelling on it

i'm too caught up with how i wanted things to be
compared to how it actually was...
...is

after all this time
i still wish things were different
aw, hell, i wish you were different
   me
     us

but they're not

accepting the unacceptable is very difficult

if only you had tried harder
   if only you would try now
if only i tried harder
   if only i would try now

but that's not going to happen

and it makes me sad
because i realize this is all i get
not that i'm owed anything
but at the very least
you could've shown support
   or compassion
     sympathy
        praise
     encouragement
  love

i've never felt it

i always felt ashamed of who i was
    who i am now
but only around you

so....
it's better i'm not around you
i'll try and take the past and leave it there

because not having you in my life
   gives me peace
not having you in my life
  allows me to be myself

without being shamed by doing so.