How to tell a joke
                -Advice given to a Lady-

PREAMBLE-
Know your audience  Know your subject

PREPARATION:  WRITE out your joke in full,
read it aloud many times.
REMOVE all diversions, inconsequential and trivial.
CHECK for confused references
ENSURE you have a command of the required terminology.
DO Laugh at other people's jokes before attempting    your own (this is called 'seeding')
Get the round in before attempting your joke.


.                  Try not to get out of your depth

AVOID sporting, scientific or technical references-
limit your choice to *** and fashion.
Political issues may only result in your being confused.
DO Laugh at other people's jokes before attempting    your own (this is called 'seeding')
Get another round in before telling your joke.
DO not sweat.

                                           Practice brevity
                                           Remove 25% of what's left
                                           Remain calm


Remember to blink

EVENT- Style is everything:
             delivery is more so
-
PRACTICE eye contact
AVOID staring continually at the same person
DO not wear checked shirts, dungarees or men's boots
DO not mumble
DO not rush delivery
LEARN to lower your vocal pitch
REMEMBER to breathe
DO not show signs of fear

                                           Practice brevity
                                           Remove 25% of what's left
                                           Remain calm

Ask a chap about posture
Ask a chap for advice
Ask a chap for his approval

Try to relax

AVOID tearing-up beer-mats
DO not fidget
DO not under ANY circumstances cough - burp - stammer, pass wind,
or giggle hysterically during the performance.
Turn OFF your mobile 'phone.
Try NOT to look nervous.

POST SHOW- Do not apologize for your effort
                     Do not cry
                     Do not attempt an encore

re-edit

words Tommy Carroll