i.
"I do not support war
                                 in any context."
My father told me making blanket statements such as this
                     is foolish and naive.
   No one will ever take me seriously
sometimes war is necessary.
                    No.
The pacifist in my bones
             hates bloodshed
                       hates       violence.
The recovering self mutilator in my chest
              was only okay with it
                    if it was directed
                                                                                                 at myself.
War removes
                                   flesh and bone
                                   blood and life
                                   love and hope.
It makes it impossible even to live in the world
even to be able to
                                       breathe.

ii.
"People can coexist
                 once prejudices are eradicated."
Father calls this
                  "liberal propaganda"
   He'd rather bask in his ignorance
Listen to Fox News
                                                 Where all his "facts" are spat at him
By old white dudes and
                        coined hot blondes.
Freddie Gray did not need to die
                                                        Michael Brown did not need to bleed
                             Eric Garner was merely trying to
                                                    breathe.

iii.
"Anxiety isn't just
                                stress."
My mother tells me in the midst of the storm
                                                                       That it is not even
                                                            raining.
She continues to hammer the belief
                     into my brain
that if I would stop stressing myself out
                                                     *I would be okay.
Mom,
                                                                             I'm not alright.
Mom,
                                                                             I seldom get sleep at night.
Mom,                                                              
                                                                             I can't hold on much longer.
Mom,
                                                                             I can't even
                                      breathe.

iv.
"You feel depression everywhere."
                                  This one is true
in part.
Sometimes,
                                                                             depression is a freight train,
bruising your sickly lungs
smashing your broken heart
pressing a knife into your back
                                                                                                       and twisting.
But other times,
                                                                           depression is the absence of
                                                                                                            all feeling
And that
                                                                                                     is all you feel.
                                                         the remainder of the knife in the back
                                                         the shatter pieces of your broken heart
                                                         the shriveled up portions of your lungs
leaving you constricted so tightly
you find yourself struggling to
                                              breathe.

v.
"When I fall,
                     I fall hard."
I sit on the suede couch
                                                                                   in my shrink's office.
We try to gather the scattered bones
                                                                       I lost after falling off the wagon
                                           yet again.
Relapse will never stop *******,                                  not because of the behavior
               but because of how much faith you lose
                                                                                                         in yourself.
Questions flood your body's once stable floor
                                               How could I let this happen?
   &nb