Tiny hairs on sturdy arms that I imagine blonde
envision you sun-kissed without knowing why
all in the dark to myself  
with you finding
my waist, stomach, and
parts of me I didn't offer

I fix hands in your hair, let them stay
brush the stubble and entwine
longer pieces, maybe pulling
knees curling up to my
chest, butterflies forming but
falling away on numb nerves

I force legs to unfold and
outside in unclear night I
look behind me more than once,
embarrassed I even checked

that night wasn't smoke through my fingers it was
your body in my hands and then
not, in the morning I tried to count what I'd lost
but the only empty was the hollow of my neck