Of staring at a blank page that usually floods itself with ink without thought, and all I've got is "I just want to have a normal life again."  For the first time in months I woke up only to go back to sleep. With you, reality will be fractions of the tiniest bit of time that you use me to make yourself feel a little less lonely while reassuring me that I'm something more to you, and the overwhelming amount of time that you leave me wondering why I didn't trust myself when I said I knew you better than that. I've never had a problem admitting that I am a ****** person. The only difference now is that I'm not. Now, I am a mixture of ****** up so bad that I'm good and a constant struggle to find humanity in the people I walk past each day. I am kind and soft. I have a hunger to heal suffering and I suffer in cases I fail to do so. Compassion driven in such a way that beautiful days are all it'll ever take to keep my heart beating. But not today. Today is a dark crater I'm naming after you. You're not exactly the root of all evil, but you're surely one of its branches. You'd have to be to dish out tickets to these doldrum's you never fail to put me in. This is where the dark person I was had manifested. This exact feeling. I have no blame to place on you. You either wouldn't care or would be hurt by the fact, and I am no longer the same person I was. I'll sooner hurt every day of my life before I'd assign pain to another ever again. The thing is that if I don't have to hurt then I would like not to. Do me a favor.. The next time you see me in your less important thoughts, as an irrelevant extra in your least exciting dreams, or walking down the street as a face you just so happened to see, just put your head down and keep walking by. I don't have the strength to keep digging my self from beneath your feet where you leave me.

...It has been a few hours now and I can finally finish this. I spent this time trying to find my way out of this maze that is made of yesterday and I've landed on her. A tiny body dressed in blonde hair and blue eyes. I could hear her voice echo throughout this trap I've been stuck inside of. Our conversations of favorite colors and people and places we want to go. The way our shades changed the way we saw the sun, how we love butterflies, and how we will fly just like them someday. How could I forget that you were my lantern. A piece of my true North I follow to find my way home. How could I forget, Brook, that you were the other half of my soul.
Its taken me almost thirty years to do for others what she's done for me in just four. She may be so much smaller than I, but her dreams and aspirations are so much bigger than mine will ever be. Today is beautiful and it's because of you that I can walk through this door and breathe with these things that keep me breathing.