For over a year now you've been my life line.
I stayed alive because of you.
You always told me that if I die, you die.
So I stayed alive.
Simply because I could never hurt you.
Though Sunday it became clear that you're done with me.
Don't want anything to do with me.
Which meant if I died.
You wouldn't.
I didn't have something stopping me anymore.
I hate myself more than I can even explain.
So I got drunk and tried to **** myself.
I gave up over 16months of sobriety because I thought I was going to be dead by the end of the day.
I wanted to die.
I was going to die.
But yet...
I'm still alive.
I gave up 16 months of sobriety and I'm still alive.
I sicken myself.
And I still just want to die.