If I had CONTROL… The word means strength it reminds me of a man who is only alive in my memories….
It’s the first thought after things go bad….. The nervous laughter caused by anxiety……                                
After last nites drunk… Riding in that cop car…. a reassurance that this was your “ plan”….
Hearing her cry on the phone …. Or worse not hearing her at all……
Believing a silence was the same as a forgiveness….
Waking up pretending last nite wasn’t real….          
A joke at work where everyone laughs… Knowing that laughter is better spent on other things..
For every bottle cap or tab is like a countdown to the terrible truth…
Being right there but belief beyond hope keeps you invisible…. Seeing her cry….
The real moment where you cannot remember winning….
The moment where you realize it was never a gamble… She was yours….
Now you watch the parts of your life you hate… Bounce… Asking for seven and eleven….
Not for the win…. Only for the fact the dealer might give you another roll …..
Hoping for snake eyes of her face… belieiving you could read the table…..
And placing it all on control…. Now I know a word like control isn’t much different than gamble…
I don’t understand either… But everyone who asks I say……….
“ I never gamble……. I feel sorry for those who lost control…. “
AND CONTROL MEANS EVERYONE AND EVERTHING........