I wonder at myself
through this teary tempest
when I realize
that I've missed the pain.

Contentment left a break
in my entire self
as happiness gave way
to indifference, indifference to sorrow.

Sorrow is what it is
to be human
to bleed as I breathe
is what it is to live.

How I've missed the pain
I've longed for the grasp
of fear's fingers 'round my neck.

How I've missed the pain
Yearned for the urge
to hurt on purpose, let it out.

How I've missed the pain,
the satisfaction in a night of tears
the pain,
inability to see through the years
the pain,
the agony, panic, stress
the pain,
loneliness, fury, self-hatred, yes,
How I've missed the pain.

Agony, grief, sorrow, pain
for 'tis just clarity by another name
And as it cripples it show me how
"happiness" is but an obscuring cloud.