While Rachel slept lost in twisted sheets,
I fixed myself a drink.
I sat outside for an hour to breathe
cigarette smoke -- my mind on the brink.
All my time spent with couples,
my wanderings tamed for privacy fences--
a third wheel in groups of four rubble,
am I *****, prophet, poet or menace?
I thought as the stars coughed across
the acidic sky; I wish for a spark to ignite--
the powder trail of ambition I lost
in swampy suburban repetition cries.
On the steps of my porch, I felt no God.
In the arms of worship or between a lover's thighs,
no sanctity, nor blessing, just scattered dirt clods--
I miss the old ignorance -- kept my heart from whys.
But now those same whys taunt and entice.
A supreme darkness surrounds me--
one my eyes have adjusted to--
one my justifications turn free--
leaving me hungry for new dark territories
and the kind of knowledge that never
lets you sleep.