Three C's
Everyone wonders why I haven't heard someone say
Marry me
But foreign words and barriers
Leave my lips
Staying away from french fries
Running in fields of grass
Sometimes I wonder who I am trying to convince

No stable heart shaped box in sight
My cousin and my mother tell me over lunch
"He's out there. He's longing for you too."
But with a knowing grin and shielded eyes
I avoid their judgment, their misunderstanding
I just wanna be a drinking Harper Lee.

3 children, tag your girlfriend in blue
I'm not trying to **** up anyone's life
But I wanna drink red wine as the sun sets
Envisioning what I would do with my camera
And moving past lustful sighs
A strong female voice, teach a lesson
Or two
Or four
Or more
But spirituality and stones
Who knows what to believe anymore?

I pray at night sometimes
My covers and sheets ribboned around me
Cycling thoughts of all of them
How do we become who we are?
Denial of ***, a shove, a regret, forgetting to step--
Away from those that poison our saliva
My heart shaped box, I keep under
My bed.

20 dollar bills handed with promises of a future
Riding in taxi cabs with you
Your crooked tooth and perfect beard
I wonder what it was you and your face
Hid from, all along
Beneath
That scruffy little
Beard.

Imaginary glasses on the brim of my nose
An academic at heart, but I can't remember
The last time I felt secure or challenged
But I felt better, happier for a time
Picking myself back up by the boots
A statement piece around my thin neck
I just wanna draw and paint
But have no real wall
To hang it up on.

A ray of light, inspiration
Impatience for "the one"
But training myself to not
Need, someone
The maidens from the deep south
A siren, they jest
A siren who travels
And hasn't met him yet.

You're right.
I haven't
But I know he ain't in Alabama
He sure as **** isn't in Philadelphia
So I stop looking
I stop searching and longing for an answer
Skeletons of the past, I want to look at you and laugh--
So I do.

An amethyst around a swan
If danger is what you feel around my eyes
Definition and muscles in my skin
If you wanted me to be what I was when you left
Ample and flourishing moon beams
If you hoped I would keep my mouth shut
Self awareness and articulate words
Coming, coming from me.

Perhaps there is not an "it"
And I am, a woman living in right now
But I trust the moon
I trust the stars
I trust the universe
I trust how good it felt to run in a circle
In the grassy backyard,
Free.