The sickening beautiful pain of it all
What I wouldn't do to stop playing the part of the heart sick  fool
I must be addicted to this kind of misery
I'm a schmuck and a fraud
What do I expect to happen
If I ever actually get around to my "big" confession
I've already done everything but say it flat out
And you're wiser and smarter than me
So I'm sure you already know...
Charles Bukowski said it best,

"Find what you love and let it **** you.
Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it **** you and let it devour your remains."

So lets just skip to the end and let me hand you this gun
If you can't pull the trigger I'll survive
I really won't mind being stuck here
In the sickening beautiful pain of it all