Paradoxical paradise
I love
drugs - and I hate them.
I hate
staring at myself in the mirror
of a dark bathroom
drowning in my own big eyes
stretched pupils
I hate the smell of *****
the chemical taste of MDMA
and the non-taste numbness
of speed
or *******.
I hate the emptiness,
I hate the crowd that swills around me-
hundreds of them
and I'm still ******* lonely.

But I love
getting so high that I'm just
numb
empty and lifeless and childlike,
kissing strangers,
forgetting the meaning of love.

So I love being drunk
I love casual *** and doing what I want
I love the facade
I love to forget everything else.