In retrospect
Here in my Alabama bed
Birds hovering above a stage
Michael Keaton nails and bleeds such
Sincerity
Snoozing and losing
Let myself vacation.

You can give me a call
I tell The Professor disappointments
But see no real answer, in it all
No, not from him
Gazing at the faces of those before me
Times, oh how they have changed
But all of those bodies
Their pounding organs
Felt immense love, pain, happiness
Beads breaking around my neck
Reading an old note in a play with a grin.

Sleeping into oblivion
But my mother and I make plans
As I wish I was leaner, stronger, blonder
My hair swarming all around me
A city whispers and runs on
Without me
But I don't feel sadness in that
Embracing the sun in the morning
And puppy dog kisses.

Driving through the miles and miles of grass
Trees and natural thick syrupy dialects
I remember when a black haired boy
Was the meaning of my everything
My Prince, I called him.
Driving by coffee shops, kisses in the library
I thought to myself:
"There is nothing but this."
Uniform skirts, knee high socks, a black book in my hands
My world was so small scale
And I roll my eyes every time my mother
Criticizes the men of my past:
"They think small. They don't think big like you do."
In wine there is truth.

Detoxing and hovering in quietness
Laying in the greenery, bees buzzing all around me
My world was so small
It meant so much
An urgency to find an answer
But with bigger and wider eyes
I ran on,
I am still running.

I don't know who will catch me
Mid-air
But I stop asking, stop questioning, stop looking
Can't make any of these bachelors
Be what I see
So my vision and I
We prance on.

I think he knows that meant goodbye
You must know how you gazed at me
A photograph to prove its point
Holding early in the morning
Drifting and knowing some
Are beyond repair.

I seek no enemies
And often I wish I could wrap it all up in a little bow
But tying lace trimmed with eloquence and wild--
Dance and laughter
I tie the bow in my hair
As it dangles and lingers around my neck
Around my skin tattooed like
All of my experiences I thought were it
I dream and I dream
And I live

Big.