Loving you is like explaining where we store and access our memories
Like trying to describe what water tastes like or the color of a mirror
It doesn’t make any sense at all, it is difficult to decipher
Collectively bleeding from imaginary cuts that you do not even know that you gave me, you thought you did nothing wrong
Brushed away the uncomfortable silence on the car ride home
Listened to the humming of your engine as if it could drown out the sound of my heartbeat that quickened at every red light
I am not strong
I am all bark and only bite on accident
I cannot fight back because I am afraid you will abandon me as if you haven't already, I am trying to convince myself that you are still here
Is bravery supposed to feel like you guts trying to slide out of your fingertips
I am so scared to talk to you because I worry you will mistake my name with hers, I am worried you will do it on purpose
It is hard to speak confessions in other accents
So why am I trying to tell you I love you in her voice
I will stop bringing your name up in cups of coffee
Pour in the sugar, let it taste too sweet I will cringe at the bitter aftertaste
I know that this is not going to make me feel any better
I am pacing my steps trying to get away
Will not stop running until I stumble
My legs are crumbling beneath me it reminds me of your walk
How your knees grow weak at the sight of her
I am sorry I am not her kind of beautiful
Forgive me for loving you despite your love for her
And I will try to forgive myself for the same