You will never see this but I want it that way because I am in love with you in a way only I can fall in love; a fleeting glimpse of a stranger's face and a gasp of breath before receding into myself,  withdrawing, making myself small enough that someone always notices me.   I'm a master of manipulation and I know how to get people to notice me.   The people I love are always people who like to protect,  people who talk easily and readily and are drawn to their opposites, so I knew I should make myself small to get you to look.  And then we talked and played monopoly and you told me you were in advertising and i pretended to be older and we talked and i fell in love with your laugh and your careful nature and how good your face looked, you looked like a good person.   Someone i could trust.  But now you're leaving and I want to say goodbye but I don't know if that's appropriate.   All I can think is that I was washing the dishes and you leaned over me to put a glass away and I held my breath.   I felt nothing and only saw a strip of black sweater.   But I fell in love and twisted up and you asked me if I was okay.   And I turned around with shy eyes and smiled and said "yeah, are you?"