I pried open my subconscious mind
I simply couldn't function outside
I felt like a green alien that everyone avoided
And the government spied on
In hopes of catching me before I did anything distorted.

A few years back I popped this recreational pill that promised unending happiness for a night, but instead it brought me back to the experiences that  shaped me into who I am
The memories that are the very sources of my deep disturbance.

That was the beginning of my journey into my subconscious mind
It seems to me that my deep inward explorations have only brought on more pain and suffering
Because I realized what jerks my parents are.
I saw them attempt to change many times.
They always failed.
I got sick with the idea that I would never be able to escape this psychological torment.
And yet I journeyed even deeper into my mind.

In a visual well
I cracked open my skull
And all of these parasites scrambled forth in thousands
How long had they lived in there?
I found ghosts and I found demons
I found little people who claimed to be heathens
I found drought
I found evil
I found a daredevil who had no concept of death
But even deeper yet,
I found a single girl
Needing love, needing rest
A girl who tried in everything to do her best
And at times rebelled to get the attention she needed
But most of her acts for attention got her beat.
I few knocks to the noggin will surely do
So the terror-some memories become few.

Now I'm just focusing on healing these visceral contusions
Because I refuse to fail at change
This may take years,
This may take my whole entire life
But I will see positive continuous change all through my days
And maybe that will settle my internal craze
All through life I promise to do good through every phase.
I couldn't live with myself any other way.