I’d rather die young

Than grow old

I will not follow in the footsteps of deliriousness

Hands trembling

To grasp at the memories

Or names

I refuse to forget my own name

Or stutter at heartache

Until I bite my own tongue

I refuse to grow old like you

To give up like you

I’d rather keep a noose

Tied tightly to my birth

To yank me like a ripcord

The second my voice sounds like yours

Trap the hate in my throat

Keep the old out’a my bones

The quiver out’a my knees

My son

Will never have to carry me to the bathroom

Or wonder if I loved him

He will never grow old like we did

Embrace the cold like we did

Beg people to hold him until he falls asleep at night

Just so he can remember

The warmth

**** going gently

And crying at the light

**** being forgiven

For letting the world fall apart

My son

And my brother

Will be so much stronger than we were

They will know that I love them

And they will know that they are safe at night

They will never carry me anywhere

Even if it’s my coffin

To its grave