Into The Mountains
I become one with the mountains

No past or future
This is a dream state

I make my way through
Bailey Canyon Park

The high grass and stumps
Cover this area
As well as several trees
Picnic tables as well

I make my way up the road
I am walking parallel to the monastery
I reach the Live Oak Trail

The oaks make a canopy
A wide open space

I stop along the trail to read
About the geological history of the area
And about the oak trees

And at the end of the trail
I step up onto a rise in the ground
A small ridge three feet above the ground

To look down at the oaks and the trail
Where I have just been

I looked up and saw the cross
On top of the dome of the monastery

I think I cried some then
You know nothing is ever fair in life

And I care for this woman
And she has her own life
And I get to see her for just one hour each week

And her beauty
And her smile and her laugh

How can I protect myself from her?
How can I shut her out?

I can't and I was honest with her
Too honest about myself

And I wonder how she perceives me
And I wonder if she thinks I am handsome

And I realize it doesn't matter
She is married anyway

And I realize I will always be alone
And I think when I was four
Crying at the gate
In my chair alone

And I thought of how
I think I could have loved her

And how I could have spent my life with her
And God does not care
How lonely I am

And nothing every changes

And so now all I have it nature
The oaks and the cross

And she was there
And is there
To comfort me

To listen to what I feel
For an hour every Friday

And it is like talking to an angel
Or being taken to a heavenly realm

And I told her intimate feelings
And she listened and understood

And I can't stop seeing her
She helps me
But she hurts me

And what is this creature woman
So radiant and pure
That God has made

And I am outside the looking glass
In her office
So close to her smile
And her radiance

But I look but cannot touch
I cannot touch
And no one touches me

She does not touch me

And if I ask her for a hug
I'm afraid I'll break down and cry
And tell her what she means to me

I was suppose to protect myself from this
From feelings like this!

So I return to the mountain
The past never happened
And so I try to erase my memories of her each week

But each time she laughs and smiles
I am taken off guard
And I don't know what to say

Even though these smiles and laughs
Are hurting me in some way

And I want to reach out and tell her
And tell her I want to hold her
And be held by her

And when I was in the mountains
This woman said "I thought you were a part of the rock"

And so she spends her weekend with her loving husband
And her baby on the way

And I return to the mountains
My refuge
And I become a part of the mountain

Never touched or loved
My eyes looking out from the mountain

And I just wanted to be her friend
And go on hikes
And I know I can't be with her

But just friends
No, can't do that either
She is my therapist

And so I remain alone
Forever alone
Liz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You crushed my heart

And so I cry
Cry and I ask why
But All I get

Is the stillness of the mountains
It's quiet here

As I listen to myself breathe
I guess I will never find a woman?