one may think that it's wonderful
the non-stop talk
to have large numbers
to have "options"
and for some it may be
but the constant, overwhelming, unwanted surprises from all of this
make me mad
they make me cry
and make the guilt seep into my skin.
the though that i have done something wrong
overcomes my every thought
and i find myself lost in the sea of over thinking.
as a teacher instructs a lesson
or a friend tries to tell a story
i am lost.
hopelessness fills me as i receive another message
and somebody pours out their heart
i want to tell them to have it back
i don't need it,
i don't want it.
it just hurts more as they continue
all i want is for it to stop
so i can find myself
dig out of the hole, i'm stuck at the bottom of
soak up the tears i've been drowning in
find myself in my messy world