3/16/2015

When I awoke,
too depressed to leave my bed,
too caught up in the fact it was Monday,

I decided to take my liberties with
attendance and questioned when
social services would end up at my door

but that's for later. For now I stood
up and went downstairs, and the first
thing I took note of in the panoramic
window

was the fact that all the snow had
melted, seemingly overnight
and I saw how grass looked like

I remember close to a month
ago I had spent a blessed day
in town where the birds chirped

seemingly out of place for a
February sunday. But I smiled
and smiled and I still felt like

Every single vein was ripped out
and I was watching my blood stain the sidewalk

And  last night I had a dream about you for the first time in months and I was happy to have you back even as a subconscious hallucination

Where I drove my car into your work
that little funny store where we ate breakfast the last day of summer

And you just stared at me, red in the face with a reviling hatred that
I am used to at this point.

The snow melted when I had woken up but now the ground is so hard to walk on and the sky seems blue today bluer than usual but I know it is mocking me.